Four decades ago, women in traditional marriages were encouraged to become dependent upon their husbands for social identity and financial support. This often trickled down to children brought into the marriage, and essentially ended when husbands either left the marriage or passed away.
Today, some marriages lack that sole dependency, often producing an inequality upon divorce. Childrearing, for one, becomes almost one-sided in some situations because one parent has little time because of work schedules, could be abusive, or simply disinterested.
It’s imperative for children to experience the emotional input only one father and one mother can provide – an important thought to consider after rough divorces. Here’s how one Salt Lake City divorce attorney suggests couples break the mold that childrearing post-divorce has to drastically change to work.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes
Sometimes parents need only to put themselves in their children’s shoes to determine what’s best for their rearing needs. Remember, adults were once children, too. Perceptions of our parents differ between boys and girls, with underlying needs usually dictating which parent each gravitates toward.
In comparing children’s perceptions of custodial and noncustodial parents, some fascinating differences emerge. A strong similarity exists in children’s feelings towards their mothers regardless of the latter’s marital or residency status. Children from nonintact families are somewhat less likely to say that they want to ‘mirror’ their mothers when they grow up, but they are otherwise similar in their relations with their mothers.
Boys, however, tend to operate much differently. While many aspire to be like their fathers, the tenderness moms exude often draws young boys toward them during times of distress – such as divorce.
Putting oneself in a child’s shoes may help parents make more informed decisions in childrearing, a fact even your Salt Lake City divorce attorney can agree with.
Never badmouth other parents to your kids!
We get it. You’re understandably irked for whatever your ex-spouse did to ruin the relationship. The first inclination is to discuss your anger with children young or old. Does badmouthing another parent provide anything beneficial toward your childrearing goals? Absolutely not.
Children are probably already an emotional wreck. Why contribute to a potential decline in their mental health by dragging intermarital problems into their world? They understand mom and dad aren’t together anymore. Don’t make this fact more hurtful than it needs to be.
Always bring out positive vibes to each other should joint custody be the current arrangement. Discuss the benefits of each parent in your own fun way. Work toward healing wounds when possible to make this new arrangement work for everyone.
Remember, childrearing doesn’t have to be hard.
Parents harboring resentment towards their ex-spouse often make co-parenting much harder than necessary. After one goes through a mentally tiring divorce, emotions run in many directions, which is understandable. Emy A. Cordano, an incredible Salt Lake City divorce attorney, built her career from her own exhausting divorce.
Perceptions of our children’s garner regarding each parent will vary. That cannot be changed. But what doesn’t have to differ is how parents approach caring for their kids when two separate households exist after years of enjoying a nuclear family.
For those interested in mediation, modifications, or other family-oriented legal services, contact Emy today.